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I'm Not Crazy I'm Just A Little UnWell |
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:::: 07/18/2003 :::: 3:03pm :��������:�����:����:���:��:��:�:�:�:�::�::�:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
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Oh my gawd! I knew it was hot but my electricity bill is through the roof this month. I'm talking it could be a car payment! Man, I hate bills. Anyway, I just sent it through the internet so I am perturbed. Gosh, why did it seem so far away and glamourous to be an adult when I was 8 or 9 years old? It definitely is NOT glamourous and I'm in it to win it! Ha! Ha! I'm responsible but gosh I'm so damn tired of taking care of what needs to be taken cared of, if that makes sense. I have been independently supporting myself since I was 18 years old. No freakin' lie. I am tired! I am not spouting off to complain, I'm just being honest. No, seriously, I am probably not going to be able to travel for say, the next 3 months because just taking care of business precludes me from being able to spend frivolously. Yeah, I went shopping but I didn't even spend but $70 bucks this month. Ugh! Where does it all go? Oh yeah, Uncle Sam and Social Security which won't exist in 20 years. That's trifling governmental BS! All this just means I'm probably gonna miss the best party in the world and I'm over here by my lonesome. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to being on my own and alone, that's not a problem. I just, from time to time, feel isolated because I'm on my own WAY over here and sometimes it gets lonely. I guess one good thing is that I did get to go home and visit and see friends and family last month. Still, I wanted to go back again, this month. Man, I feel bad, REALLY bad about probably not being able to go to Austin at the end of the month. Please forgive me. I hope my friends will understand. I am forlorn! I guess being the 'good girl' counts for something but sometimes it just sucks. Don't get me wrong, being responsible feels good but sometimes I would like to be able to do what I want to do without it having repercussions. But hey, we live in the real world and I guess everything has pros and cons. Weighing this, I guess I have to realize I just have to stay put and just wait 'til travel is do-able and not such a stretch for me to accomplish. If it's meant to be it'll happen. If not, then everything happens for a reason, right? Sigh! It sounds good but I don't know if I believe it. Gosh, like I said, I'm forlorn at the prospect of no soiree in my near future. I'm just rambling on and on, I better go... Song of the day: Four Seasons In One Day by Crowded House...'Four seasons in one day, lying in the depths of your imagination. Worlds above and worlds below, the sun shines on the black cloud hanging over your domain...Smiling as the shit comes down, you can tell a man from what he has to say...'
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