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I'm Not Crazy I'm Just A Little UnWell |
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:::: 2003-03-30 :::: 10:36 a.m. :��������:�����:����:���:��:��:�:�:�:�::�::�:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |
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Hello all! I am on SPRING BREAK! Thank goodness bc I was about to collapse from all the paperwork and meetings at work. Anyway, I am getting ready to 'Spring Clean' and then head off for a day trip or two to La La Land. I decided you only live once and I need to see the hubub of celebritydom before I turn into a very bitter and old spinster ala "Bridgette Jones." This is of course, prior to her meeting her 'ding dong' of a man, Mark Darcy. Anyway, It's true what they say about things not coming to you. You DO have to go out and get them. I've always thought of myself as a 'go-getter' and I'm not going to change now. I have decided to rid myself of one 'toxic' narcissist in my life. It felt good not to return a phone-call. The person, I later found out, called me only bc they found out that I had spoken with another friend and was only trying to 'take me away' from my real friend. How freakin' high school or junior high is that? I was pretty proud of myself bc this person has been haranging my spirits, nay I've allowed this person to harang my spirits and now I've decided it's over. I will stick to the 'real' friends like PD and BN and my other friends who actually reciprocate calls and converse with me and it's not in an apparent (in hind-sight) ploy to isolate me from the people who really care for me. PD knows bc I told her about this person this past Summer. (e.g., the friend of 14 years who had a freakin' hissy bc I made new friends and wasn't spending all my free time with her, what is up with that?) I am proud of myself bc now I actually feel so damn happy that this 'toxic' person is not going to be in my life. She is bordering on freakin' psychotic narcissism so she will probably blame this on me and somehow make herself the victim. Whatever! I would care if the person would reciprocate how 'real' friends do. But, alas, she doesn't so then my hands are wiped clean of this sad example of what used to be a friendship. Mind you, I am sad that this is ending, but I am somehow relieved that this person can no longer manipulate my emotions and use my empathy against me to her advantage. I have known this person for so long and I am sad that it could not work out. But, sometimes this just happens and it's not bc I didn't try to mend the tension in our friendship. What I need to remind myself of is that friendship is a reciprocal relationship where the two need to exchange communication and give and receive. It has not been this way and I am lacking the energy to work with a person who does not give but just takes! Yes, I am remorseful bc it is a loss of what I thought to be a great friend. However, this person has called and mocked me and my strength and I'll be damned if I'll let anyone tear me down! I wish her the best but I am done and I am closing the book on that chapter in my life. Ahhh, this has been a cleansing and cathartic experience. Thought for the Day: I got this fortune the other day... Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
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