I HBO-On Demand-ed the finale of SFU, especially since I missed the first 30 minutes last night. So, after I cried--even after only seeing the last 45 minutes(the first time)--because I felt like I lost 6 of my best friends in one night, I realized the following things:

1. Friends and Family are NOT a dime a dozen, they are priceless and I appreciate ALL of mine, you know who you are...

2. My eyes hurt from crying all night but damn, life-- albeit sometimes good, bad, & oh so UGLY, is worth it, even if it's SO damn painful sometimes.

3. Claire has been my touchstone because I am as f*cked up as she is but still I am somehow bizarrely hopeful. How the hell that happened is beyond me but still somehow I manage to feel and hopefully evoke some kind of admiration from the people I know and love.

4. Ruth is what my older sister is, always wanting me to find my own happiness, even if it's at the expense of her own...guilt trips interwoven of course.

5. The love of your life is going to come back to you--if he ever really loved you at all--OR he's going to stay to just get whatever you're willing to give him...now THAT is love--so f*cking unselfish because the pain you'll feel far underweighs the love you'll get, even if it's only 1/2 of what you hoped to or expected to feel.

6. Live your life and say what you feel and feel what you say because life is SO f*cking short and then you really do die.

7. When it is finally time for us to go, rest in peace. Rest in peace Fishers and when your time comes, RIP everybody I love and know. Life is so hard and so fast that you will definitely have earned the right to rest.

To paraphrase what Ted and Claire said to eachother, I ask my friends to do the following:

"Promise me you'll follow your dreams because you're too smart, you're too good--don't waste that!" Song of the day: "Breathe Me" by Sia--

Help, I have done it again I have been here many times before Hurt myself again today And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up Unfold me I am small I'm needy Warm me up And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, Yeah I think that I might break I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up Unfold me I am small I'm needy Warm me up And breathe me

Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up Unfold me I am small I'm needy Warm me up And breathe me

This song is so appropriate for how I was feeling at the end of everything SFU--*Note to self-make a "deeply un-hip" mix with this as Song #1...eventually playing it at the end of my life...I know, I sound so damn maudlin, but I promise, there's no schmaltz involved, I'm being sincere.

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